It's been brought to my attention that some members at this forum are interested in learning the fine art of datalogging -- so that's why I'm here. Well, that and the fact that I've been banned from the other Miata forums (clearly, they are all ricers who hate real knowledge). Most of the real racer community owes me greatly for help I've provided to them, and I'm sure all of you will feel the same way shortly.

Let's begin.

COMMON MYTHS ABOUT DATALOGGING

Myth 1. Datalogging is only for computer geeks. FALSE!

I'm living proof that this isn't true. I'm an expert datalogger, and yet I can barely last on a forum for a few months before I get banned. Some have suggested that I just have a difficult personality, but trust me, I'm nowhere near this aggressive and insulting in person. Something about the internet forum format just brings it out in me, and I've honestly got zero interest in learning any internet etiquette. But I digress -- you don't need a computer to datalog. In fact, if I see you with a laptop in the vicinity of your car, I'm probably going to call you a ricer and/or poser. Us old-timey real racers use stenographer's pads, and record laptimes on chalkboards.

Myth 2. Datalogging is expensive. FALSE!

See, once you throw the computer out of the picture, it gets real cheap. You can datalog with anything. I datalog the local road conditions by hitting bumps on my Raceland coilovers and then measuring how many aspirin I have to take that night so I can fall asleep. Once I datalogged my own sexuality by flipping channels and recording how long I paused on images of sexy men vs. sexy women (that test remains inconclusive).

Myth 3. Datalogging requires scientific equipment. FALSE!

If you doubt me on this, I have only one answer:



That's right, F Prod. Been there, done that. Nationally. In 1993. Computers and **** hadn't even been invented back then. Finished 38th. Which may not sound impressive, but it's exactly where the datalogs predicted I'd finish, so suck on THAT. Why do I bring this up? Well, my competitors all had faster cars that they had set up with lots of special fancy equipment and extensive track time, and lil' ol' me, heck, I just showed up with some masking tape and a Sharpie marker. Or, as I call it, my datalogging set.

Need to adjust aerodynamics? Loosely attach strips of masking tape all over the car and see which ones are ripped off by airflow.
Want to see how badly your car is scraping over bumps? Color the entire underbody with the Sharpie marker and then look for fresh scrapes.
Want to improve your "quiet hands" driving technique? Have someone use the masking tape to secure your hands in position on the steering wheel before you leave the pits.
Want to measure your chances with the trophy girl? Huff the Sharpie until everything feels alright and then use the masking tape to cover her mouth.

Myth 4. Datalogging turns you into an insufferable blowhard. FALSE!

Listen, you don't have like what I'm telling you. I don't care. All I know is that hundreds of local drivers (men, mostly, as it so happens) are constantly calling me, asking if they can repay me with favors in exchange for my help. Sounds great, doesn't it? You bet your sweet *** it does. So what if a few internet forums don't appreciate me? That's more than offset by the fact that I now have hundreds of friends that are ready and willing at the drop of a hat.

Myth 5. Datalogging inevitably uncovers rear brake bias issues. TRUE!

I wish I could say that this was false, but unfortunately, stock Miatas left the factory without functioning rear brakes. I mean, the brakes are there, but they aren't even hooked up to anything. Don't believe me? I've got the datalogs to prove it. I know there are some very advanced drivers with very fast track Miatas that just slapped some bigass brakes with bigass pads on their cars, but they are leaving seconds on the table by not correcting their brake bias problems. As a poignant demonstration of this, I drove my last F Prod heat backwards in a Miata, to show how a proper rear brake bias could drop laptimes by eons. Unfortunately, I lost control at the first turn doing 35 mph in reverse...I suspect some ricer had tampered with my g-force datalogging device (I hung the Sharpie marker with masking tape from the rear view mirror), making it impossible for me to properly set my fast lap. What a jealous poser.

Myth 6. Raceland coilovers don't hold up well under datalogging. FALSE!

Let's get something straight here -- datalogging is an extremely intense, hardcore process. It often involves driving on roads, turning a lot, a good bit of braking and accelerating, all kinds of things you can't expect a regular suspension to handle for very long. If Racelands have turned out poor results, or not lasted very long, it's only because the datalogging process is designed to reveal the extreme limits of the product in question. Can you pay $2500 for a suspension set that might stand up to this extreme abuse? Sure, but who do you think you are? Emerson Fittipaldi? We're driving $1500 cars, anyone who spends more than $300 on a suspension is a fool. Want a great low-budge setup? Buy a set of $300 Racelands. Replace the stock springs with $250 worth of replacement coils with more appropriate weights. Then send the shock bodies off for revalving to match the new springs -- this should cost no more than $400 or so. The result? A suspension that will perform reasonably well on public roads for at least 6 months, all for under a grand. Heck, you'll have enough left over to take your new friends to the Olive Garden for dinner.

Myth 7. Anyone who doesn't datalog is a ricer. TRUE!

See, I don't even have to prove this -- it's true by definition. A ricer is someone who cares only about appearances. The appearance of setting fast laps, the appearance of not finishing last at Nationals, the appearance of not bouncing all to hell over bumps. What a bunch of posers. Don't want to be a ricer? Then get yourself a datalogging kit and start measuring ****.

 

F PROD.

/end thread.

 

also moving to Race Prep section.

 

Excellent. Thank you for the warm reception. Are you free Friday night?

 

Do you have any thoughts on brake balance?

THREAD OF THE YEAR!

 

Oh man, I just realized you might take that the wrong way. I just want to check your rear bias, see how quickly you lock up.

 

I am going to quote myself, which I am pretty sure is like dividing by zero.

Here is where my quote is from.

 

Someone found grandpas cough medicine.

 

I think you huffed too much sharpie. Do you have any real data to share? ANything ground breaking?

 

Better to let people assume you are a ricer, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

 

I would, but it's a little muddy back there. Do you want poppers?

 

I datalogged my poop. It accelerated at 9.8 m/s and took .75 seconds to compete it's skydive into the superbowl. Therefore, it was traveling at a speed of 16 miles per hour. That is good acceleration for a turd.

 

I was talking to Braineack, not you. I like big branes.

 

lol

Do you have any data on sjmarcy post topics/rate of posts vs bans?

 

I feel like you are joking at my expense. Are you a ricer? Have you ever run in F Prod?

 

When was that picture taken? I didn't know saferacer was open in 93?

Its weird that when I google f production miata, that is the third picture.

 

I logged my house. It came out very well.

 

whatthefuckamireading

 

I didn't log the date, that's not the data I was recording when the picture was taken. Clearly Google recognizes the excellence of my F Prod performance.

That's not what I meant. You must drive a ricer Honda.

 

I race an s2000.