So... Saturday the 25th, I'm going to Texas with my wife for a week to visit my mother inlaw. Any suggestions on what to do while there?

 

Stay inside.

 

Get blow jobs from Hustler.
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Drive your car into a bridge support. Life support machine > Houston any day.

 

Those are kinda like the buffets on a cruise...you think it's gonna be great because everyone talks about it, but you're left feeling not as content as you thought and a little queasy.


OP, depends on your kicks.

If you're into museums both the art and science ones are good, and our zoo kicks ***.

The beach is far away and sucks. Some of the parks are decent, Memorial rock if you're into mountain bikes. Great shopping in the Galleria and Woodlands for wife.

I would eat at Fogo de Chao (Brazilian BBQ - very nice) or Saltgrass (steaks - nice) or Pappadeaux (cajun chain, great fish - nice).

Astros games rock even though the team sucks. Brand new ballpark and every seat has a better view than anything in the old Astrodome.

Don't know much about club scene anymore, although Numbers was the **** back in my day (when Deftones used to play there).

 

Yeah, most of the town is pretty damn ghetto, and under construction. Drive as little as possible.

 

Gotta agree with milton.

One of my favorite bars in houston is the Front Porch Pub. Used to regular there. Is it crawfish season?

Dave and Busters?

Man Houston doesn't really have much to do other than go to bars or hang out in the mall.

 

Sweat. Drink.

 

Then you guys can lap up toilet nectar and scrounge for nuggets of poop in the neighboring stalls. blech.

 

+1 on all that stuff. If you want Fogo de Chao, you can save a few bucks by going for lunch rather than dinner. I ate so much there that I gave myself a nosebleed and was on the ******* for like an hour straight after I got home. If gluttony is in your plans, bring Imodium.

Houston does have great restaurants. After all, look at how fat the people are there! My favorite Tex-Mex places were Cafe Adobe (Westheimer & Shepard), Chuy's (Westheimer & Kirby, ask for the creamy jalapeño dip) and Pico's which is a couple miles outside the loop on Bellaire.

Good beer bars include Ginger Man and Two Rows (an old favorite brewpub of mine) both in Rice Village, Stag's Head and the Mucky Duck are both near 59 & Shepard/Kirby, and there's a Flying Saucer downtown. We used to go to Baker Street (also in Rice Village) and although they don't have the greatest selection of beers they at least had SNPA, they have good happy hour specials, and the waitresses were all in their early 20s and ******* GORGEOUS. At least that's how it was when I lived there 5 years ago.

Alamo Draft House (way the hell out Westheimer near Hwy 6) is a movie theater where they will serve you feed & beer at your seats. You can also do the free tour of Saint Arnold brewery (off 290, northwest side of the loop) on Saturdays. It's a microbrewery so the "tour" is about 10 minutes long, then you drink. Their beers are really good, wish I could get them here.

Cliff's notes: Stay inside, eat good food, drink good beer.

 

So I take it Texas it's not as good as I though. I think food is going to be my #1 thing since you always hear about Texas BBQ. I bet even just walking around would be kinda fun since it's all new to me, and I'm not gonna lie but it would be interesting meeting hustler in person just to see how he really acts and look in person.

 

in for ********.

 

That would kill the illusion. Kinda like knowing how the magic trick is done. It pretty much sucks after that.

 

The only good part is it doesn't stop sucking...unlike your girlfriend.

 

I have heard that Texas is pretty cool, though I have also heard that the whole state sucks.

 

Fogo de chao is over priced.

Go to churrascos instead if you want that type of meat.

What do you want to do. If you name what you like I can help you out.

Galveston is not to far if you want to go to the beach (about 45minr~2 hours out of Houston depending where you are in town)

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thats just because we are the best state

What other state has beach, forrest, mountains, planes, hill country. 110 degree weather in the south, snow in the north, lol we have everything.

 

Seriously...everyone's just jealous of Texas. Greatest state in the union. I've lived on all sides at one time or another, and every region is different and refreshing, except Lubbock, which is just different.

I might retire in Colorado, but I wouldn't have grown up (and raised a family) anywhere else.

 

The worst place I've ever been is Austin. Its terrible. Lots of gays trying to suck you and shoot you up with heroine, hippies begging for change, and the traffic...oh dear god the traffic.

 

Supposedly the guy that designed Austin's roads committed suicide. May be urban legend.

OP, to start with, please learn to spell the damn name of our town right. Houston happens to be named after a leader of the Texas Revolution, our fight for independence from Mexico. So if you're gonna be glad you're speaking english while down here (well, at least 60% of the time you'll be speaking english) then remember that.