I've always wanted to run...
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I identify as a bear.
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... for a minor political office. Not that I actually want to win said office, I just think it would be an amusing platform from which to lob horrifyingly unfounded accusations at relatively innocent people as a form of Dogbertian personal amusement, without actually committing slander in the strictest sense. For instance, while campaigning for a seat on the county school board, one might publicly observe:
"Even if it's true that my opponent, the so-called Dr. Mark Hollinger, is a twice-convicted child molester and self-confessed serial rapist, there's no excuse for us to lose focus from the real issues in this election!"
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