I stole this from CR in the Laugh/Lose Section.....fucking hilarious!!!!!

bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful
woman. BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock
of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty Fuck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is
ridiculous. bloodninja: Don't fuck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest
sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your
body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2
Druid. BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of shit.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning
shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of
metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's
evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan
steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?

-------------------

bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep
it ready for you.
j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are
in my breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the
game. bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They fucking charge
your ass. j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to
charge your ass.
bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned
feet. j_gurli3: thats it.
bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some
phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as
skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red
ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now.

--------------


BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your
muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the fuck, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA: Oh shit
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report
your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you fuck up.
eminemBNJA: Oh shit
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something
------------------------------Bloodninja: I lick your earlobe, and
undo your watch.
Sarah19fca: mmmm, okay.
Bloodninja: I take yo pants off, grunting like a troll.
Sarah19fca: Yeah I like it rough.
Bloodninja: I smack you thick booty .
Sarah19fca: Oh yeah, that feels good.
Bloodninja: Smack, Smack, yeeeaahhh.
Bloodninja: I make some toast and eat it off your ass. Land O' Lakes
butter all in your crack. Mmmm.
Sarah19fca: you like that?
Bloodninja: I peel some bananas.
Sarah19fca: Oh, what are you gonna do with those?
Bloodninja: get me peanuts. Peanuts from the ballpark.
Sarah19fca: Peanuts?
Bloodninja: Ken Griffey Jr. Yeaaaaahhh.
Sarah19fca: What are you talking about?
Bloodninja: I'm spent, I jump down into the alley and smoke a fatty. I
throw rocks at the cats.
Sarah19fca: This is stupid.
Bloodninja: Stone Cold Steve Austin gives me some beer.
Bloodninja: Wanna Wrestle Stone Cold?
Bloodninja: Yeeaahhhh.
Sarah19fca: /ignore
Bloodninja: Its cool stone cold she was a bitch anyway.
Bloodninja: We get on harleys and ride into the sunset.
---------------

Bloodninja:Wanna cyber?
DirtyKate:OK, but don't tell anybody ;-)
DirtyKate:Who are you?
Bloodninja: I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot
Bloodninja:And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's in my
Geo Storm.
DirtyKate:You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..
Bloodninja:Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John's and
make an order
DirtyKate: Haha! OK
DirtyKate:Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping
with sauce. Bloodninja:Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is
Papa John's, how may I help you", then they tell you the specials, and
then you would make your order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do
you want?
DirtyKate:I want everything, baby!
Bloodninja:Is this a delivery?
DirtyKate:Umm...Yes
DirtyKate:So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm home
alone... and I think I'll take a shower...
Bloodninja:Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then
I'll drive to your house.
**pause**
DirtyKate:I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!
Bloodninja:You can't hurry good pizza.
Bloodninja:I'm on my way now though
**pause**
DirtyKate:So you're at my front door now.
Bloodninja:How did you know?
Bloodninja:I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the shower.
So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your
coffee table. Bloodninja:Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot
as a pizza oven DirtyKate:Oooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and
I'm all wet and cold. Warm me up baby
Bloodninja:So you're still in the bathroom?
DirtyKate:Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.
Bloodninja:I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip
my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan
in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce
is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the
bathroom, I exit through the front door....
DirtyKate:What the fuck?
DirtyKate:You perverted piece of shit
DirtyKate:Fuck

------------------
Bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
MommyMelissa: Sure, you into vegetables?
Bloodninja: What like gardening and shit?
MommyMelissa: Yeah, something like that.
Bloodninja: Nuthin turns me on more, check this out
Bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.
(pause)
MommyMelissa: is that it?
Bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.
Bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?
MommyMelissa: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING
vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?
(pause)
Bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach...
Sexily. Bloodninja: I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves
of grains. MommyMelissa: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was
thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
Bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
Bloodninja: Damn baby your right, this shit is HOT.
MommyMelissa: ...
Bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My
insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of
love.
MommyMelissa: What the fuck is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
Bloodninja: Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over
your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. Bitch.
MommyMelissa: whatever.

Oldie classics. To see more pearls of wisdom, try bash.org and qdb.us

fuckin awesome!

:bowrofl::bowrofl::bowrofl:

The Rhino one is the greatest.

I put on my robe and wizard hat.

Aaah, timeless classic. :D OldPost is old, but it is still funny.


Speaking of which, Weird Al is coming to Costa Mesa on Friday Aug 13. Given that I have recently been reminded of the joy of the live concert, I am seriously considering attending.

I got a chuckle or two.

Just met this chick, 9/10 sexy, AND about to leave for Harvard studying Chemistry. Marriage material for sure. WAYYY out of my league

^ I hate meeting women like that. Those are the types that don't need a man, and usually they stay independent until their late 30s into their 40s and realize they want a man and a family finally so they dumb themselves down a little and come across as a bit desperate but whatever.

Look at it this way. If you try, you might be disapointed. If you don't try, you will be disapointed.

I say go for it, give it a shot.

Cruising down Rainbow river.

Attachment 195705
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http://www.eatmedaily.com/wordpress/...over-large.jpg

I need this in my life.

Trying to separate a CV from a hub. So far a day soak in penetrating oil, a BFH, and two different 3-jaw pullers have not done the job. One of the pullers broke completely LOL.

Nice picture Lev. I'll trade tasks with you.

The world's largest watermelon, grown by the Bright family in Hope, Ark., in 2005, weighed in at a whopping 268.8 pounds.

Pygmy giraffe...I haz it!



I vantz to being like himz.

Wanna cyber? :naughty:

That was great.

I just wanted the movie "Up in the Air."

It depressed me horribly.

I enjoyed it.

I just watched "The Langoliers"

Best pick up line ever:

"wassup girl, do you text"

lololololol

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that they based the Clooney character on my life, except that I'm nowhere near the 10,000,000 mile mark.