Sorry Horny.



Yeah I actually did couples therapy with my ex and we actually helped our relationship quite a lot via that experience. We were able to improve our communication pretty significantly. The presence of an independent third party in our relationship probably made us think about our actions a little more when our fights started to get out of hand.

 

This post makes me unhappy.

 

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Make it very clear to her, in no uncertain terms, that you will no be spending any more money on her. If you're lucky, she'll understand and SUPPORT this. If you're unlucky....

Once you tell her this, the hard part starts: You have to REFUSE to spend any money on her. You only get to pay for things if it is DIRECTLY in your interest (i.e. you're allowed to buy her a ticket to accompany you to a movie that YOU want to see). You DO NOT get to buy her anything if it is INDIRECTLY in your interest (i.e. you're not allowed to buy her dinner because you hope it will get you sex, or because you want her to make a decision in your interest later.)

If she starts to bargain with you ("Buy me these earrings and I'll give you some amazing road head on the way home") then you've already lost.

If things go well for a solid month, and she doesn't start whining like a 3 year old in a toy store, then you can reward her with something small - not because you want something from her, but because she has already earned it.

One last rule: Don't ever buy her something as an apology. Girls who get flowers when their lovers are "sorry" begin to associate flowers with "I fucked up". Your gifts to her should not be associated with you saying "I fucked up", because then she only has to make you feel like you fucked up in order to get a gift from you. Instead, she should associate your gifts with you saying "Honey, you are incredible", so that she knows that if she wants a gift, she has to make you feel like a million bucks.

 

Your description is pretty nebulous. What really happened? If it's too personal, then skip it. But other's perspectives might be more useful if we knew what was up. What does being treated like dogshit mean to you?

I know a thing or two about dogshit. Might taste bad at first, but sometimes it has nutritional value.

My biggest question, can you trust her? If not, it's over, end of story.

 

Since it is sharing time, here is one of my bigger horror stories. Severely condensed.

Back in Jan of 2005 I was in tech school in the Air Force. Was having issues with a 3yr+ relationship. Short story-she got raped while I was in BMT, I helped her through it, and in that realized we were just different people and was going to split as soon as she was "ok". So I meet this stripper in Florida. Lost my mind in a bit of loneliness and hooked up. FYI we met outside of her work. For some reason I was hung up on her. I've always had good history with having decent girlfriends. Usually weed out the crazies within a few dates. This chick was different, but in a crazy way. So we date for a bit and I transfer to Texas. She gets arrested, low on money, comes to TX, and I get us a apartment off base. Keep in mind we aren't married so no BAH on airman pay. SOOOOO many red flags go by. Drinks a ton, gets angry at the flip of a switch. Tells me I don't spend enough time with her. All I did all day was go to training at 5am, work, and home at 5-6pm. No time for anything else and went home to her. She held a job for 2 days.

Fast forward a few and we get transferred to Vegas. Bitch is still crazy + a bag full of psycho. I worked 14-15hr midshifts and spent half the day up with her "to spend time together" IE argue. One day for some reason I packed my bags. I get home later from work and she loses. Throws a bunch of crap around and at me....again.."I'm some horrible person, bla, bla". Throws a chair into the wall, literally. I leave, tell my first shirt and start a slew of reports over days to build a base line for my superiors to know she's the crazy one and protect myself. Keep in mind if I touch her in anger I'm done. I was a COP and domestic violence is a career ender.

Later in base housing she accuses me a doing the FAT girl next door, gets increasingly violent, and I find out she use to be a coke head (might still be). Even starts hinting to my friends a trade of favors. So wake up one day and I'm tired of this crap. While she still sleeps I get up and head to my neighbors house (not the fat girls), call my folks, and tell them I'm done with this bitch. I barrow a credit card # to book her a one way ticket home, drain our account of $1800 in cashier checks, and head across town to get divorce papers. I also call my shirt to give him the heads up. She keeps calling him, my friends, and bosses trying to tell them all I beat her, was cheating, anything she could throw out to hurt me. I already had a crazy sheet on her with my bosses so all is seen as her lies. I get home mid day and tell her to pack her crap she goes home at midnight. I have someone with me at all times as a witness as well, she loses it. One second crying another just a ball of nuts. I take her to the airport (kicking and screaming basically), walk her through check in and to the metal detectors, I give her $1500 of the money, she pleads one last time, I say she needs to go at least for now, my last words to her were F you.

Few days later my parents come and pack all of her crap, itemize it, and help me shut down all our joint stuff. While doing this I get a call from my buddy back in Florida. He goes to tell me he hooked up with my wife (not divorced yet)...twice..and oh here she is and hands the phone to her like I'll just ask her how her day was. Bla..bla...I loose it a bit, my shirt requests I stay on base so I don't go murder her or something (really thought about it at the time). I had to send my father to fight with her for 3 days in FL to get her to sign the papers. Sure that was fun. Then a month later the papers are legal and I'm a free man.

Not so much. I call her for a min to say where do you want your papers sent? Then a few more months of her messing with my mind. Says she's pregnant, tries to actively sleep with friends I have out there, and just general stupid crazy crap.

I know several people that slept with her while/after the divorce. One of my friends I met later actually arrested her once. Plus I guarantee someone on this site has banged her, no doubt in my mind. From meeting her to divorce was 9 months + the after crap.

Trust me there is a plus side. I've been with my current girl for 5yrs. Love her. Even got married a year ago. We never fight, she cooks like a banshee, and has some decent *****. She supports my hobbies and generally lets me do what I want. It is a little freaky how well we get alone. Neither of us sweat the little stuff that most couples turn into a holocaust. You should just change who you are "in" to. Trust me I still have a weak spot for crazy, but it is never worth it.